Pausetive Model In Action → Parents of Adolescents
Children grow up fast. But when they hit adolescence, none of the old patterns work. Our model helps parents of
children 13-18 years, to understand their world, catch up with their rhythm and help them be better version of
grown-ups.
Understanding Their World
Adolescence isn’t chaos—it’s change. Fast, confusing, and often unspoken change.
Some days, teens move with confidence. Other days, they second-guess everything—how they look, what they said, who they’re becoming. It’s not always visible. Sometimes it looks like silence. Or sarcasm. Or pulling away when they actually want to be seen.
They’re not trying to be difficult. They’re just figuring out who they are, while everything around them keeps shifting.
A Story from the Mind Gym
We met Ishan’s father through workshop. Ishan, 14, is quiet, polite child. He said what he was supposed to. Laughed when others laughed.
But when asked what he wanted to do after 10th, everything changed. Because his future directions changed every week. From being a pilot, to software engineer, to architect, to a musician.
When asked, he said “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be right now.”
That sentence stayed with his father. He did not know how to help his child.
We just invited Ishan’s father to slow things down. To talk, not about future with his child, but about how careers are made by others.
We told Ishan’s father of the period of adolescence where the child is transforming from child to adult and therefore going huge hormonal and emotional upheavals. We set the context.
So we paused with that. Not to fix his child, but to empathise with the child’s journey
Step 2: Identifying the BEAT Patterns
Here’s what surfaced.
His Emotions were driving his actions. He was overwhelmed by the pressure to “do something” for his son, and this worry was the constant resonance in his daily life.
His Beliefs were getting in the way. He held a silent belief that he “must fix” Ishan’s indecision, which made it hard for him to simply sit with his child and listen.
His Thinking Shortcuts fueled his anxiety. The automatic line, “I don’t know how to help my child,” kept him in a loop of searching for solutions rather than understanding Ishan’s reality.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
We began with awareness—not of career paths, but of Ishan’s internal BEAT.
We helped Ishan’s father recognize his own Thinking Shortcuts. Instead of focusing on aptitude tests, he started exploring why he felt the need to have all the answers.
We introduced small reflection tools. After an interaction, he would notice where his Attention went—was it on the future, or on Ishan’s present mood?
We focused on his Emotions: helping him empathize (not just sympathize) with his son’s journey by recognizing the same patterns in himself.
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
A few weeks in, things looked different. Ishan’s father became less judgmental. More curious. Ishan was becoming more curious. But he also started asking questions.
He wasn’t trying to find the right career path anymore. He was just becoming more okay with the anxiety of making choice.
From Self-Doubt to Self-Discovery
Here’s how Ishan’s journey unfolded:
Ishan, before we met his father
Now, he shows…
Unclear emotional state
Acceptance of his emotional state
Not asking anything to his father
Honest discussion with father
Pressurised to find what to do next
Curiosity-led engagement to explore
Understanding Their World
Not all pressure shows up as panic. Sometimes, it’s just the quiet weight of shoulds.
You should study harder. You should be more focused. You should know what you want to do with your life.
Most teens aren’t resisting effort—they’re overwhelmed by expectation. From school. From themselves. From well-meaning parents who compare, advise, and worry. All with love. But love can feel loud when you don’t know how to explain you’re already trying.
This is how many teens experience academics—not as learning, but as a race they didn’t choose the rules for.
A Story from the Mind Gym
Riya was in Grade 10 when we met her. Good at science. Polite. Teachers liked her. Her parents were supportive—but always asking how others were doing.
“She’s smart, but she’s not serious,” her dad said in a session. “She doesn’t put in the hours.”
Riya comes in the top 3 in the class. But she does not try hard to beat others.
Later, in a quiet moment, she told her father, “I just don’t know what else you want from me.”
We invited Riya’s father to pause. Not to judge her, but just to be curious. What does she feel about studies? What does she feel about her colleagues in the class? Which subjects she likes?
Her mother was closer to her. So we asked mother to probe gently. As a curious observer, not as an investigator.
Riya’s father told us that she also has a good friend. So we suggested to talk to her friend, as friends know a lot more about each other than parents.
Step 2: Identifying the BEAT Patterns
A few things became clear after he talked to her friend.
Her Attention was unconventional. She wasn’t focused on grades, but on real-world problems—like calculating interest losses on a family FD. Her mind didn’t engage with abstract syllabus content, but came alive with practical application.
Her Thinking Shortcuts were questioning the system. She didn’t see the value in “studying hard to get marks” if it didn’t equate to gaining knowledge. This made her appear unmotivated to her parents.
Her Emotions were overworked. Forced to compete when she naturally preferred collaboration, she felt a constant inner friction. She was emotionally confused by why she didn’t feel the “killer instinct” others expected of her.
Her Beliefs about friendship were strong. She genuinely felt happy for her friends’ success and didn’t see them as competitors, which clashed with the competitive environment around her.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
To help understand Riya, we focused on her parents’ BEAT.
They held a strong Belief in “killer instinct.” We worked with them to verify if this belief was actually helping or hurting Riya’s growth.
To support Riya’s quest for knowledge, we helped the parents shift their Attention from scores to the real-world problems Riya enjoyed solving.
Instead of trying to “fix” Riya, we worked with the parents to observe their own reactions. We gave them stories of collaboration versus competition, helping them recognize their own internal patterns.
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
Over the term, Riya didn’t top the class because she studied beyond syllabus. But she was more happy. She learnt to acknowledge her need of collaboration, so she worked on problems with others. She expressed herself more comfortably.
And her parents? They started seeing her effort —not just her scores. They had their own pause, too.
From Pressure of constraints to Personal expression
Here’s how Riya’s experience shifted:
When we met her…
Now, she shows…
Cluttered focus on mark
Clearer focus on knowledge
Low internal drive
Sustainable self-motivation
Emotional fatigue
More self-assurance
Defined by competition
Defined by collaboration
Understanding Their World
Focus isn’t always about trying harder. Especially for teens.
There’s noise everywhere—group chats, reels, notifications. Then there’s pressure to do well, stay ahead, keep up. So even when they want to sit down and study, their minds are already pulled in five directions.
It’s not a discipline problem. It’s just that no one taught them how to focus in this kind of world.
A Story from the Mind Gym
Sachin is 15. He enjoys science. He also had passed science Olympiad. He loved solving new problems. But when it comes to studying, his father said he is not focused. He tells his father
“I sit to study one subject, and two minutes in, I’m already thinking about some other problem in another subject,” or
“When my friends call me to solve their problems, I get occupied in solving their problem. And then I am on phone exploring something else.”
He wasn’t slacking. He was stuck in a cycle that many teens know well.
We asked Sachin’s father to pause and notice Sachin’s study schedule.
Focus of a person depends on different factors.
One, every person has a circadian rhythm of a day. A person can be morning studier (a lark) a third bird (afternoon worker) or owl (late night)? We asked Sachin’s father to find this out.
Two, every person has a preferred work habit. Did Sachin study well with others? Or alone? Did he play music while studying? Or Did he prefer silence?
Three, every person has a different cognitive challenge which increases his challenges of focus. Which subjects he liked most? Were these subjects analytical like maths or descriptive like biology? If he faced a big problem, how did he solve?
Step 2: Identifying the BEAT Patterns
Two key patterns needed support.
His Attention was being pulled by external noise. He had high ability, but his mind jumped to friends’ calls or new problems before finishing his own tasks. His focus wasn’t aligned with his goals.
His Thinking Shortcuts were toxic. Because he couldn’t stay on task, he started calling himself “lazy,” which only increased his frustration and made the cycle harder to break.
His Emotions were tied to his inability to say “No.” He felt frustration but didn’t know how to set boundaries with his friends or himself.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
We worked on small, steady practices. Sachin was a lark. But he hated getting early in the morning, because he slept later. So convincing him to change this habit to study was the biggest ASK for Sachin’s father. We helped his father with all the reasoning and logic. We helped his father to change his rituals.
Pre-study ritual: Before each session, Sachin took two minutes to breathe and observe his internal state.
Daily progress board: A simple visual prompt to keep his attention on today’s tasks.
Question log habit: Writing down distractions to address them later, giving him control over his wandering mind.
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
After a few weeks, things started shifting.
He wasn’t magically focused all day, but he wasn’t frustrated anymore either. His sessions got sharper. He started finishing tasks earlier. And for the first time, he felt in control.
The biggest change? He stopped calling himself lazy. He started seeing himself as someone building focus, one block at a time.
