Pausetive Model In Action → Parents of Adolescents
Children grow up fast. But when they hit adolescence, none of the old patterns work. Our model helps parents of
children 13-18 years, to understand their world, catch up with their rhythm and help them be better version of
grown-ups.
Understanding Their World
Adolescence isn’t chaos—it’s change. Fast, confusing, and often unspoken change.
Some days, teens move with confidence. Other days, they second-guess everything—how they look, what they said, who they’re becoming. It’s not always visible. Sometimes it looks like silence. Or sarcasm. Or pulling away when they actually want to be seen.
They’re not trying to be difficult. They’re just figuring out who they are, while everything around them keeps shifting.
A Story from the Mind Gym
We met Ishan’s father through workshop. Ishan, 14, is quiet, polite child. He said what he was supposed to. Laughed when others laughed.
But when asked what he wanted to do after 10th, everything changed. Because his future directions changed every week. From being a pilot, to software engineer, to architect, to a musician.
When asked, he said “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be right now.”
That sentence stayed with his father. He did not know how to help his child.
We just invited Ishan’s father to slow things down. To talk, not about future with his child, but about how careers are made by others.
We told Ishan’s father of the period of adolescence where the child is transforming from child to adult and therefore going huge hormonal and emotional upheavals. We set the context.
So we paused with that. Not to fix his child, but to empathise with the child’s journey
Step 2: Identifying the Mind Muscles
Here’s what surfaced.
His emotional muscle needed support. He didn’t know how to understand his child —he just knew he should do something .
His social muscle was strained. He was trying to help his child, but could not get help from his friends, because his friends were in the same boat.
His motivational muscle was dimmed. He did not know how to help his child make the choice.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
We began with awareness of Ishan’s strengths in his subjects, habits, his biases, his friend’s likings.
We strengthened the cognitive muscle of Ishan’s father: on why aptitude tests are not useful, what should be done to explore career paths.
We added small social reflection tools for Ishan. After an interaction with his friend, he asked Ishaan to note what the friend liked. No judgment. Just noticing.
We strengthened the emotional muscle of Ishan’s father: We helped Ishan’s father to empathise ( not sympathise) with his son by giving him various role scenarios.
Then came motivation. We gave tools of curiosity. We helped Ishan’s father to pick a topic that Ishan loved (space documentaries) and talk with him on that. .
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
A few weeks in, things looked different. Ishan’s father became less judgmental. More curious. Ishan was becoming more curious. But he also started asking questions.
He wasn’t trying to find the right career path anymore. He was just becoming more okay with the anxiety of making choice.
From Self-Doubt to Self-Discovery
Here’s how Ishan’s journey unfolded:
Ishan, before we met his father
Now, he shows…
Unclear emotional state
Acceptance of his emotional state
Not asking anything to his father
Honest discussion with father
Pressurised to find what to do next
Curiosity-led engagement to explore
Understanding Their World
Not all pressure shows up as panic. Sometimes, it’s just the quiet weight of shoulds.
You should study harder. You should be more focused. You should know what you want to do with your life.
Most teens aren’t resisting effort—they’re overwhelmed by expectation. From school. From themselves. From well-meaning parents who compare, advise, and worry. All with love. But love can feel loud when you don’t know how to explain you’re already trying.
This is how many teens experience academics—not as learning, but as a race they didn’t choose the rules for.
A Story from the Mind Gym
Riya was in Grade 10 when we met her. Good at science. Polite. Teachers liked her. Her parents were supportive—but always asking how others were doing.
“She’s smart, but she’s not serious,” her dad said in a session. “She doesn’t put in the hours.”
Riya comes in the top 3 in the class. But she does not try hard to beat others.
Later, in a quiet moment, she told her father, “I just don’t know what else you want from me.”
We invited Riya’s father to pause. Not to judge her, but just to be curious. What does she feel about studies? What does she feel about her colleagues in the class? Which subjects she likes?
Her mother was closer to her. So we asked mother to probe gently. As a curious observer, not as an investigator.
Riya’s father told us that she also has a good friend. So we suggested to talk to her friend, as friends know a lot more about each other than parents.
Step 2: Identifying the Mind Muscles
A few things became clear after he talked to her friend.
Her cognitive muscle was too advanced. She knew the syllabus and content, but she did not feel challenged at all. Instead she loved to tackle the real-world problems. When her mother withdrew the FD before maturity, she calculated the interest she will lose.
Her motivational muscle was low because she wanted to solve real life problems, not study hard to get marks. It was not her laziness, it was seeking of knowledge. It’s hard to stay motivated to simply get more marks.
Her social muscle was well developed. She did not like the constant comparison with her peers. She was infact happy if her friend topped in a subject.
Her emotional muscle was overworked. Forced to feel important to beat her peers she was not sure why she felt more collaborative and less competitive with her peers. She was emotionally confused.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
Parents, after getting the above info, got more worried. They asked “Doesn’t she have a killer instinct”. We worked with the parents to ‘verify’ this belief.
To help understand Riya’s quest for knowledge, we helped them understand that our basic objective in college is to gain knowledge, not get marks. So parents needed to find more ‘problems’ for Riya to solve to ‘motivate’ her to study.
Instead of working with Riya, it was more important to work with Riya’s parents. Gave them stories of collaboration versus competition, knowledge versus data. Not preachy—just relatable.
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
Over the term, Riya didn’t top the class because she studied beyond syllabus. But she was more happy. She learnt to acknowledge her need of collaboration, so she worked on problems with others. She expressed herself more comfortably.
And her parents? They started seeing her effort —not just her scores. They had their own pause, too.
From Pressure of constraints to Personal expression
Here’s how Riya’s experience shifted:
When we met her…
Now, she shows…
Cluttered focus on mark
Clearer focus on knowledge
Low internal drive
Sustainable self-motivation
Emotional fatigue
More self-assurance
Defined by competition
Defined by collaboration
Understanding Their World
Focus isn’t always about trying harder. Especially for teens.
There’s noise everywhere—group chats, reels, notifications. Then there’s pressure to do well, stay ahead, keep up. So even when they want to sit down and study, their minds are already pulled in five directions.
It’s not a discipline problem. It’s just that no one taught them how to focus in this kind of world.
A Story from the Mind Gym
Sachin is 15. He enjoys science. He also had passed science Olympiad. He loved solving new problems. But when it comes to studying, his father said he is not focused. He tells his father
“I sit to study one subject, and two minutes in, I’m already thinking about some other problem in another subject,” or
“When my friends call me to solve their problems, I get occupied in solving their problem. And then I am on phone exploring something else.”
He wasn’t slacking. He was stuck in a cycle that many teens know well.
We asked Sachin’s father to pause and notice Sachin’s study schedule.
Focus of a person depends on different factors.
One, every person has a circadian rhythm of a day. A person can be morning studier (a lark) a third bird (afternoon worker) or owl (late night)? We asked Sachin’s father to find this out.
Two, every person has a preferred work habit. Did Sachin study well with others? Or alone? Did he play music while studying? Or Did he prefer silence?
Three, every person has a different cognitive challenge which increases his challenges of focus. Which subjects he liked most? Were these subjects analytical like maths or descriptive like biology? If he faced a big problem, how did he solve?
Step 2: Identifying the Mind Muscles
Two key muscles needed support.
His cognitive muscle needed support from his daily habits. He had high cognitive ability, but needed to align with daily rhythm. We introduced all the tricks of cognitive science to Sachin’s father.
His motivational muscle was not being trained. He didn’t hate studying. But he had to align his study patterns with his timing and his friends.
He was struggling emotionally perhaps because he was not able to say ‘No’ to his friends. He was just frustrated with the loop he couldn’t break.
Step 3: Developing the Right Skills
We worked on small, steady practices. Sachin was a lark. But he hated getting early in the morning, because he slept later. So convincing him to change this habit to study was the biggest ASK for Sachin’s father. We helped his father with all the reasoning and logic. We helped his father to change his rituals
Pre-study ritual: Before each session, Sachin took two minutes to breathe, clear his mind, and think about what he was about to learn. No pressure. Just a soft landing.
Daily progress board: A simple checklist on his wall with one prompt—What to complete today? What did I complete today? It helped him see movement.
Shifting friend’s studies in the evening/night schedule: Using evening time to study descriptive subjects and also help friends to solve their problems
Question log habit: Kept a log of new questions that kept popping up every day. Writing it down, but working on it next day. That gave him the control of his wheel in his hand.
Step 4: Reflect and Iterate
After a few weeks, things started shifting.
He wasn’t magically focused all day, but he wasn’t frustrated anymore either. His sessions got sharper. He started finishing tasks earlier. And for the first time, he felt in control.
The biggest change? He stopped calling himself lazy. He started seeing himself as someone building focus, one block at a time.
